Are you a FAVORITE?

Are you a favorite?

Can you admit that to yourself?

Because if you are and you can’t, you may be missing what enters the room with you.

As someone who coaches high achievers and leaders moving into bigger roles, I am often left with the job of giving feedback that nobody else will.

And a pattern I sometimes see is this:

The dynamics they find confusing. The messages that don’t land the way they intended. The distance they feel from their teams but can’t explain.

At times, it’s a direct consequence of being a favorite.

So let me say to you what others won’t.

As hard working and as credible as you are, as much as you have genuinely earned, as long as you are considered a favorite, you need to understand the privilege that comes with it.

And account for it.

You have been given opportunities others see as less than equitable.

And if you won’t admit that, you will never lead as effectively as you can.

Two things I want to be clear about.

First, being a favorite doesn’t make you a bad person. Or even an undeserving one.

But there are others around you who are just as hard working and just as deserving. Not acknowledging the difference in your position means your messages won’t land as you intend, no matter how kindhearted you are.

Second, you don’t need to be shamed for the opportunities you’ve received. Any human given extra opportunity takes it. We all know opportunities can be temporary. Nobody wins by you not taking them.

But that position requires awareness of how being a favorite shapes how others hear you. How your best intentions can land as completely out of touch with their reality.

And if you’re a favorite in a people function?

Everything I’m saying matters tenfold.

People need to trust not only you, but your objectivity.

Here’s an example from a recent coaching session.

A leader has been working extremely hard toward a promotion for three years. Her leaders have been dangling the possibility without delivering it.

A colleague, genuinely caring and genuinely well-intentioned, tried to offer understanding and encouragement.

But that colleague is considered a favorite by the team and has been promoted twice in the same three years.

How did that message land?

Caring? Maybe.

Out of touch and isolating? Definitely.

Not because the favorite didn’t mean it.

But without acknowledging the elephant in the room, two promotions versus zero, the recipient felt resentment.

What could have landed instead?

“I know this may sound different coming from me, given how things have gone for me here. But I see how hard you’ve worked, and how frustrating this has been.”

One sentence.

It names the elephant.

And now the conversation can be honest.

So, to my favorites in the world.

Take the time to reflect.

Admit, at least to yourself, that you are a favorite.

Acknowledge that with it comes privilege.

Learn how to speak and act so your messages not only land, but actually help.

I know you mean well. I do.

But until you learn to account for your position, resentment is already in the room with you.

Even if you’re the only one who can’t see it.